1. partystick:



    I spent $31 at an asian supermarket….

    how many asians did you get


    (via ryanvallejo)


  2. disagreed:

    do actors ever cringe at their own voice on tv

    (via ryanvallejo)


  3. im-just-bad-at-metaphors:




    when you get your period at school


    Conceal don’t feel don’t let them know

    Make one wrong move and then the blood will show

    Let it flow, let it flow, can’t hold it back anymore

    (Source: brookeeverdeen, via totally-relatable)


  4. bagmilk:

    people who scream when the teacher turns off the lights


    (Source: heteroh, via marmite-not-vege)


  5. chilled:

    *throws lamp at you* you need to lighten the fuck up

    (via marmite-not-vege)


  6. sorelatable:

    What if Netflix doubled as a dating service like “here are 7 other singles that watched Orange Is The New Black for 8 hours straight in your area”

    (via marmite-not-vege)


  7. skimcheese:



    unexpected pregnancy is actually so weird like you can accidentally make a person 



    (Source: emojigrl, via ruinedchildhood)


  8. gilinskytbh:


    So there’s this place in New South Wales called Yass and there is a mcdonalds there and well…..


    "my ass"

    open 24 hours

    (via marmite-not-vege)

  9. mylifeasqueenb:

    I laugh every time

    (Source: lynananananabatlam, via marmite-not-vege)

  10. mishasminions:


    (via ohfortheloveofchuck)

  11. officialunitedstates:

    My sister Jenny had finally turned 22 and her birthday gift was rain. 

    "Cover your eyes," I said after I showed up unexpectedly at her apartment.  "I have a surprise for you."

    After a bit of convincing she went along with it, and I led her down five flights of stairs to the lobby. 

    She asked if we could have just taken the elevator.

    "You’re not supposed to use the elevator when it’s raining.  I read that once.  I also like how they’re called flights.  Where’s the plane?  Haha."  She didn’t laugh at my joke.  I told her she could open her eyes now and she did. 

    "What? Where’s this surprise?" she asked.

    "I know how much you like rain.  It’s your birthday and it is raining.  Happy birthday, sis."

    She looked out into the bustling, wet street and then gave me a sour look.  I gave her a sweet look.  She walked away.  I walked a way. 

    "Look, Jenny, to be honest, I would have bought you a present but my wallet is empty," I said as I reached into my back pocket and showed her my empty wallet.  I had emptied it out the night before but she didn’t need to know that.  I even took out my library card.  That’s not even currency.  I definitely could have left that in there and she still would have thought I was broke.

    She looked at the floor, letting her curly blond hair become unfurled, grinned, and then looked back up at me.  “It’s okay, I like your present.  At the very least it shows that you care about me.” 

    And that’s how I got away with giving my sister rain for her 22nd birthday so I could buy sixteen globes the next day and smash them all with a baseball bat in the middle of times square.

    (via confessions-of-a-serial-killer)


  12. destispell:

    imagine an american going to hogwarts determined not to live up to stereotypes and they do pretty well up until they discover their patronus is a bald eagle

    (via hogwartskidsproblems)



  14. headphones-in-do-not-disturb:


    fuck education who wants to start a band

    your URL makes me suspicious of your intentions with this band.

    (via smilelikeyoureallytrulymeanit)


  15. christmasbarakat:

    my dad is a cop and i just called him and he was like “hey i have a 17 year old boy in the back of my cop car right now that i’m running him to the station” and i asked if he was cute and my dad said “Hey, my daughter wants to know if you’re cute” and the guy said “i want to say yes, sir” and my dad started laughing so hard

    (Source: ahcalamity, via ryanvallejo)